Are You a Contentious Christian? The Problem That's Destroying Church Unity
Have you ever noticed something troubling? Christians—saved, Bible-believing people—can be some of the most contentious, argumentative folks you'll ever meet. And honestly, it ought not be so.
If you've been in church for any length of time, you've seen it. People fighting over everything from head coverings to Bible versions, from music styles to the color of the carpet. The very people who should be known for their love and unity are instead known for their arguments and divisions.
But here's what's really happening: We've forgotten the difference between contending FOR the faith and being contentious WITH each other. The biblical answer to church conflict isn't more arguing—it's understanding what's worth fighting for and what isn't.
The Root Problem: We Think It's All About Us
In 1 Corinthians 11:16, the Apostle Paul makes a striking statement after arguing through 15 verses about headship and proper order: "But if any man seem to be contentious, we have no such custom, neither the churches of God."
Paul is essentially saying, "Look, I've laid out the argument. I've explained it from creation, from nature, even from the angels. If you still want to fight about it, I'm done. That's not our custom in the churches of God."
Why do Christians become contentious? Because we make everything about ourselves instead of considering the body of Christ. We want to win arguments instead of seeking truth. We want to be right instead of being loving.
The Wise Man and the Fool
Proverbs 29:9 gives us insight: "If a wise man contendeth with a foolish man, whether he rage or laugh, there is no rest."
Notice the contrast: wise versus foolish, rage versus laughter, rest versus no rest. The point? With a foolish person, it doesn't matter how you approach them—stern or gentle, serious or lighthearted. If they're determined to be contentious, there will be no rest, no peace.
And here's the uncomfortable truth: Sometimes we're the foolish ones who won't listen.
The Solution: Endeavoring to Keep Unity
Look at what Paul tells us in Ephesians 4:1-3: "I therefore, the prisoner of the Lord, beseech you that ye walk worthy of the vocation wherewith ye are called, With all lowliness and meekness, with longsuffering, forbearing one another in love; Endeavouring to keep the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace."
Did you catch that? We're supposed to be:
Lowly and meek (not proud and argumentative)
Long-suffering (patient with people who get under our skin)
Forbearing one another in love (not just tolerating, but actually loving)
Endeavoring to keep unity (actively working for peace)
But here's where we mess up: We say we're being long-suffering and forbearing, but in our hearts, we hate the people we're "putting up with." That's not Christianity—that's hypocrisy.
The Marriage Principle Applied to Church
In 1 Corinthians 7:4, Paul gives marriage advice that applies to church relationships: "The wife hath not power of her own body, but the husband: and likewise also the husband hath not power of his own body, but the wife."
The principle? Stop thinking about yourself and start thinking about others. If husbands and wives would think of their spouse instead of themselves, contention disappears. If church members would think of the body of Christ instead of their own preferences, unity flourishes.
What Really Matters: Keeping the Commandments
Here's a reality check from 1 Corinthians 7:19: "Circumcision is nothing, and uncircumcision is nothing, but the keeping of the commandments of God."
Paul's point is powerful: All these external things we fight about—they're nothing compared to keeping God's commandments. And what are those commandments? Jesus summed them up: "If ye love me, keep my commandments" (John 14:15).
Are you doing things out of love for Christ, or are you doing them to:
Impress people?
Avoid criticism?
Win arguments?
Appear more spiritual?
If it's not motivated by love for Jesus, you might be keeping commandments, but you're missing the heart of Christianity.
When Contention IS Right: Earnestly Contend for the Faith
Now, before you think I'm saying Christians should never fight about anything, listen carefully. Jude 3 tells us: "Beloved, when I gave all diligence to write unto you of the common salvation, it was needful for me to write unto you, and exhort you that ye should earnestly contend for the faith which was once delivered unto the saints."
There IS a right kind of contention—contending for the faith, for the gospel, for the truth of salvation through Jesus Christ alone.
The Difference Between Right and Wrong Contention
Wrong contention: Fighting with other Christians over secondary issues, personal preferences, or matters of conscience.
Right contention: Fighting for the gospel with lost people, defending the faith against false doctrine, standing for biblical truth in a world that rejects it.
Don't fight with each other—go out and find lost people to argue with about their need for salvation! Contend with them, debate with them, go over the questions with them. That's contention worth having.
Stop Being the Problem, Start Being the Solution
Here's some hard truth: Maybe the reason your church isn't growing, maybe the reason people avoid Christians, maybe the reason your witness is ineffective is because you're known more for what you fight against than what you stand for.
The world expects Christians to be different. When they see us fighting each other, it leaves a sour taste in their mouths. How can we tell them about the peace of God when we can't even keep peace with each other?
Practical Steps to Stop Being Contentious
Check your heart motivation - Are you seeking truth or trying to win?
Consider others above yourself - Think about the body of Christ, not just your preferences
Choose unity over being right - Sometimes it's better to let things go for the sake of peace
Focus your fight on the right enemy - Contend for the faith with the lost world, not with fellow believers
Expect the Bible to challenge you - Don't get upset when God's Word convicts you
The Bottom Line
God wants us to find the spirit of unity and endeavor to keep the peace. He doesn't want us fighting with each other over secondary issues when there's a lost and dying world that needs to hear the gospel.
Stop being contentious with your brothers and sisters in Christ. Save that energy for contending earnestly for the faith with those who need to hear about Jesus.
The church is more important than your personal preferences. Unity is more valuable than winning arguments. And love should be more evident than your knowledge of doctrine.
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